I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
