Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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