i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
