My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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