I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
