What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
