Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Will you blow on my dice?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
