i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize