I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
