I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
