She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
