i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
