I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
