How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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