someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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