If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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