So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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