I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
