You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
