Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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