I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
