I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
