Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well you can't waste a boner
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
