i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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