He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
