i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
