My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he shaved USA in his pubs
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
