Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
