this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
