someone owes me an orgasm
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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