I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Are we still banned from the library?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
