there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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