Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
