dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
