if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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