I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
