New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
