Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
