jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
