I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
