That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
tell me about the fingering
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