a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize