Me. At least after what I've been through.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize