6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
