whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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