my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
