Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Two words: nipple clamps
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