My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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