He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
