im about as happy as oj after his trial
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
