Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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