i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
honey bunches of taint.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You are the jesus of drinking
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
