after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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