i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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