I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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