Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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