I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
