Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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