I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
