Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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