I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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