thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
