If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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