I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize