I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
