I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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