You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
