i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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