Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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