He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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