I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
