Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i drank out of a bidet.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
